


Breathe

by luluren



Series: Choke and Breathe [2]
Category: Band of Brothers
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-05-11
Updated: 2016-05-11
Packaged: 2018-06-07 19:34:06
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,367
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6821290
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/luluren/pseuds/luluren
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"Just breathe."</p>
            </blockquote>





	Breathe

He stares down at his hands and wonders if they’ll ever stop shaking. Too much booze maybe. Or not enough. He’s not sure anymore.

He’s trying to picture Cathy’s face but he can’t. He remembers her light brown hair and her curves, but her face is a mystery. Not surprising as he hasn’t seen her in two years. Only wrote one letter when he first got to England – it’s also not surprising she’s divorcing him.

He doesn’t deserve her.

Maybe he doesn’t deserve anyone.

He’s gotta wonder sometimes what the fuck he’s going to do if he makes it home alive.

Leaving his room, he makes his way down the darkened street, kicking rocks as he goes.

Fuck this place, he thinks fiercely. And fuck Nixon, New Jersey whiles he’s at it.

And fuck this pretty German town that was hiding a dark, dark secret – Nix grabs a brick (because there’s always a brick around when you need it) and throws it at the window of the local spirits store. The crash echoes down the empty street.

With heavy footsteps, he climbs through the open window and surveys the mess of bottles, the anger in his chest expanding because there’s no goddamn Vat 69.

He climbs out of the window as a jeep pulls up, MPs ignoring him as they head towards the broken window.

Fuck them.

Dick’s face flashes in front of his eyes and he knows his friend’s worried and maybe a little disappointed too – being demoted and getting divorced all in the same week is quite a feat. Something Dick Winters will never, ever understand. He’s never seen the man look at him the way he did when he told Nix he’d been demoted. Or the way he looked when Nix lost his shit after getting Cathy’s letter. 

_She’s taking_ my _dog!_

_My_ dog!

In all honesty, he can’t even remember the damn dog’s name. It’s more the principal of the thing. 

He lights a cigarette and stands under an awning, watching the rain pour down in buckets and wondering why he’s still here. Why he’s made it this far. Maybe it’s because he’s never actually shot his gun. Gotten shot _at_ but never shot back. 

Is it too late, he wonders? A prickle goes up his spine at that thought and he wonders what the fuck that means. 

The owner of the spirits store stands in front of the shattered window, yelling in German – _Gott verdammt_ – and knowing that Nix’s the one who’s pissed the guy off makes him grin. The thought of pulling his pistol out and waving it around just to see what the guy would do – maybe he _is_ losing his mind.

He finds himself back at his quarters, mind a blur and hands still shaking. He doesn’t want to go back into that empty room by himself.

“Captain?”

Turning towards the voice, he sees Doc standing just inside the door, eyes dark and glittering. They haven’t had much contact since those few moments in Bastogne – afterwards Nix wondered if Doc would change towards him but no, he’s the same old Doc, quiet and reserved. Until he gets pissed off and then Nix likes to step back and watch and remember that heavy moment behind a tree.

“Doc,” he says.

Gene’s got that look on his face – the one that says he knows what he’s doing – but the way he’s biting at his lower lip says otherwise.

Nix watches as Gene moves closer, taking his arm and pulling him towards Nix’s room. He closes the bedroom door behind them and turns. It’s like slow-motion – he pushes Nix gently against the door, waits a moment before pressing against him, chest to chest, thigh to thigh. Nix knows he’s got a smirk on his face and he wonders what Gene thinks of it.

“Just breathe,” Gene whispers, and it then that Nix notices he’s holding his breath.

He’s not given time to do anything though because Gene presses even closer and kisses him.

Nix thinks back to that wintry morning behind a tree and his stomach flips because he realizes what it is Doc is doing. It puts a lump in his throat.

_I won’t let you choke._

“Eugene,” he says, trying to push him back because goddammit he doesn’t have to do this, but the medic ignores the hands on his upper arms and grabs hold of Nix’s lapels, looking for leverage to deepen the kiss.

He stops resisting, and instead of pushing Doc away he pulls him closer, moaning softly into Gene’s open mouth because fuck it.

“Breathe,” Gene says, whispering against Nix’s jawline as his fingers make an unsteady trail down his chest. “Just breathe.”

Nix isn’t sure if Gene’s speaking to him or to himself, but decides it doesn’t matter because he’s pulling at the front of Nixon’s pants. Nix sucks in a deep breath. 

“You don’t have to do this,” he says, dipping his head because Gene won’t meet his eyes. “You don’t owe –”

“It ain’t about owing,” Gene says, looking at Nixon with a hint of anger in his eyes. 

He doesn’t know what to say, but it doesn’t seem to matter because Gene moves closer, a hand sliding into his pants and lips on his neck. Nix’s eyes roll back and his head hits the door with a low thud. 

Gene’s hands are warm this time. 

Nix wonders if this is how Gene felt back in Bastogne – momentarily forgetting everything while slowly coming back to life. 

God it feels incredible. 

He turns his head just as Gene kisses him, and he doesn’t hesitate to slide his hands down the man’s back, not stopping until his fingers graze the top of Gene’s ass. 

Gene starts moving, his hips pressing in slowly, then harder, harder, till they’re shaking the door and Nix knows that if someone walks past it’ll be heard but fuck, he doesn’t want Gene to stop. 

But Doc must still have some of his good sense about him because he pulls at Nix’s lapels, turns them away from the door. Using a strength Nix didn’t know the man was capable of, Gene pushes him down on the bed, his chest heaving while he takes a second to stare of Nix, his dark eyes darker but his hands no longer shaking. 

_Breathe. Just breathe._

“Gene –”

“Shut up,” Gene says, climbing up onto the bed and laying his body on top of Nixon’s. “Just let me do this, Nixon.”

So he does. And by God, it’s an hour he’ll never forget, an hour that will get him through the rest of his time in Europe, get him through that awful fucking jump where he’s one of three survivors out of an entire stick; he’ll think of Gene’s smooth, pale body and the way he grinned just before sucking Nix’s dick in that sweet, inexperienced way that makes his nerve endings feel like they’re on fire. 

Just before he comes he pulls hard at Gene’s hair, listens to the man grunt as Nix hauls him up so he can slant his mouth over his. They grind their dicks together, Gene making this whimpering sound in his throat and Nix whispers things that would make him blush if he’d been in his right mind – words he never said to Cathy or any other girl, but it’s words he means when it comes to Eugene Roe. 

Afterwards, lying on their backs, shirts and pants open, the real world doesn’t come back. Not yet, anyway. Nixon looks over at Gene, moves his hand so he can trail his fingers across a pale chest, skating over erect nipples. 

Gene laughs softly and grabs his hand. “Stop,” he says, curling his fingers around Nix’s. “Tickles.”

“Sorry.” He waits a beat, then does it again, a crazy kind of warmth spreading across his body when Gene laughs. 

Gene holds on to Nixon’s fingers tighter. They lay together in silence, Gene’s rough fingers rubbing against Nix’s. 

“You breathing?” Gene whispers, turning his head to look at Nix. 

He really thinks about Gene’s question, takes a moment to pull in a deep breath for the first time in days. He smiles. “Yeah, Doc. I’m breathing.”


End file.
